Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
