I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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