I think i peed on brittanys purse
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
