Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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