I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
