ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
