i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
