a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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