Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
