i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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