She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
