Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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