idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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