Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
