i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
