I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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