I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
