She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
