Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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