no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
