ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
