dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
