Kiss
Puke
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
