I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
