The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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