Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
