If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize