she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
