I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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