Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
