Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
