i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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