somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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