listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
