ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
