I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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