Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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