There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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