And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have fence marks all over my body
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
