this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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