i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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