can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
