he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
