so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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