i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
