I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
