Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
