You're earring is so big in my mouth
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
