one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
