there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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