some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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