Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
