Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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