Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
