So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
