i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
