Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
