no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
