Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
