I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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