I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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