from now on my penis is your penis
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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