cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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