I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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