Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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