I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
