Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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