So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
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you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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