the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize